I Am Woman

I am woman...I am woman, and I am quite capable of taking care of things on my own. Yesterday, after the sun went down, I wanted to mow grass. The mower was out of gas, and trying to start it caused the battery to die. I put gas in the mower, called the husband who is away for the summer for training, and hooked up the charger to the mower battery. This morning, the battery was still too dead to start the mower. You remember "phone a friend" from the millionaire show? Well, I phoned a father-in-law. He told me to hook the charger up on 50 amps, let it sit a few minutes, try to start it a few times for a few seconds to get the gas running through the engine. Guess what. It worked!

Armed with a ridiculous hat and sunblock, I set out to mow the grass, but it was not without complication. It seems when the grass is mid-calf length, very large rocks and sticks are well hidden. I avoided the ones I knew were there and the ones I could see, but there were several I hit. Hearing me mow today was like hearing a really bad drummer. Maverick stood in the yard screaming, which I could not hear because I was on a riding lawn mower, to tell me that the grass is too high. Really? The hose that I had asked him to move was stuck up under the grass. The whole creek probably did actually hear what he said, but I didn't even know he was talking until I saw him jumping up and down with his face all puckered up. I asked Pat to come and deal with the hose, and he stood at the corner of the house, motioning to me. I read his lips, “MOM, come here, SNAKE!!!” I stalked the wee snakey, and killed it with a shovel. I killed a snake! With a shovel! I can do anything! I looked at Jazmine and Patrick and said, “Your mom just did that. She so totally rocks.” My neighbors probably think I'm nuts, and I am not inclined to give a damn.

It's not one of those golf-course striped lawns, but the grass is a decent height, and there is one less snake in the grass. A place for my wee bairnies to play.

Doing things that women don’t typically do makes me feel like I can conquer the world. Look out, y’all. Who knows what I’ll do next. The possibilities are endless. Maybe I’ll change my own oil! I believe I may be growing testicles. It is a man’s world, after all. I may need them.

Smaller, Happier, Wrinklier

I turned th-th-th-thirrrty in January. Ewww, yuck! So, since then, I have lost around 26 pounds. That's good, right? Well, yeah, except that the more I lose, the more apparent the effects of thirty years of gravity and oxidation become. I am getting pretty serious about this whole aging thing. My gray hairs have doubled or tripled, maybe even quadrupled since I've been in college. Stress? Age? Who knows. I decided to kick up my beauty regimen a little, and being the weirdo-artist-photographer that I am, I found this a golden opportunity for some funny self portraits.







Kiss?

Sucks

Today, I wish I had never started school. My life is so chaotic and crazy right now, and my grades are suffering. I don't think I've ever been under as much stress as I am right now. Tonight, I'd just like to be in a clean well-lighted place, sitting at a table by myself, sipping brandy.

"Feelin' Like a Monday, But Someday I'll Be Saturday Night"

Warning, the following message contains a couple of expletives and may seem like a cypher. Oh, well, this is a blog. It's for me and whoever else chooses to read it, but mostly, it's for me.

Sometimes, you're rolling through life, and you just get slapped in the face with a shitty mop. Then, you have to keep trucking through life, trying to keep focus and not wreck, with the remnants of what the mop left clouding your vision.

I've been struggling to keep up with the pace of my life, and just when I thought it could only get easier, it got harder. So, let the shit shoveling commence. I don't know how long it will take, but I am putting my boots and gloves on. "I'm feelin' like a Monday, but someday I'll be Saturday night."

Fallen something, all right.



Don't go over the edge.



Reflecting.

A Candle Extinguished Can Still Shed Light

Today, I attended the funeral of my cousin, distant cousin, but still common blood and love. I knew him better from Facebook than I ever did in person. He was my mom’s age. Joey was always commenting on my pictures on Facebook, uplifting me and my quirky, artsy ways. Being a musician, quirkiness and artsiness were things he knew well. As we interacted, seeing and commenting on one another’s posts, it became apparent to me that we had things in common besides a little DNA. Kindred spirits.

This past Monday, when I saw some posts on Joey’s page that hinted at Joey’s self inflicted death, I felt a deep sinking weight in my chest. When I found out for sure that it was true, my heart broke. I contacted Mom, knowing she’d be upset, not wanting her to see it on Facebook. I contacted other family members as well. Then, I just sat and let it sink in.

My heart broke for Joey’s immediate family, and my heart broke for his extended family, us, “the cousins.” Ultimately, my heart broke for Joey. My heart broke for a beautiful, talented, soulful man that I had begun to get to know in the last two years. This man that I had recognized as a poet, an artist, a sensitive soul, one of my kind, a kindred spirit, had become so very sad, so very devastated, that he saw no way out. His deep-feeling musician’s soul had been overtaken. So full of life, seemingly living his to the fullest, he fell. His family and friends were evidently unaware of his suffering, or at least the extent of it. A permanent end to temporary problems, as my former pastor said. God rest his soul. May he have found peace, and may the many, many people who loved this man, this kindred spirit, also find peace.

Today, after the funeral, we went downstairs to eat and spend time with the other people who loved and were mourning Joey. As all of us cousins sat at the table, we bonded. We caught up, we talked about Joey, about family, about missing each other, and we laughed. Mostly, we laughed. We laughed at a funeral. I felt a pang of guilt. So many sad, including us, but we were laughing. Momentary guilt, then an epiphany. If Joey had been there, he’d have been among the laughing cousins. I don’t believe he’d have had it any other way.

Even in his death, Joey inspires me. He inspires me to continue putting words on paper. He inspires me to continue creating art, to continue expressing my quirkiness and artsiness. He inspires me to live my life to the fullest, to see the extraordinary in the ordinary, and to cherish my days. He inspires me to be happy as much as possible, and when I am not, to share my burdens, my grief, my devastation, my sorrows, my worries, and my brokenness with the ones who love me. He inspires me to share my love with my loved ones, and to let those who are down know that they have my ears when they need them, that I am here to share their burdens, that they have worth, and that they have a reason to stay. He inspires me to inspire. A candle extinguished can indeed still shed light.

Hump Day and Foster Dogs

Happy Hump Day! It's Wednesday, and I had just a few minutes of downtime, so I thought I would post. In the last week, I have written two essays, tweaked one short story, tweaked one inanimate soliloquy, written one short story (MadLibs, loads of fun), read two short stories, taken a quiz on each of those, written a speech outline, and all of that was for school! I also did the Mom things, laundry, dishes, sweep, mop, drop notes and gym clothes off to daughter, and everything else that goes with the title of Mom. This week, I have an Anatomy & Physiology test to study for, an extensive American History test to complete, another inanimate soliloquy to write, another essay to write, a demonstrative speech to complete and prepare for, and I have to read Oedipus, not to mention the Mom stuff. Whoa! I am a little overwhelmed just writing all of that!

Valentine's Day is tomorrow! Whoops! More Mom stuff. I have to get the kiddos Valentines ready. No Super Photorapher Mom Valentines this year, just the $2 a box ones.

One more compartment of Tiff is FosterMom to dogs. That's what I want to share today. There's no soapbox in Tiff's corner, but I would urge dog owners to spay and neuter their dogs. We have two dogs of our own, and right now, we have our third foster. If you have a little time, and a lot of love, foster a dog. It's very rewarding knowing that this is one that was not euthanized because we are willing to love it (and clean some pee and poo) for a couple of weeks.

Foster #1 - Shadow - around 3 months old - female - went to rescue



Shadow and my pound pup, Rubah. Rubah was really the foster mom. :)


Foster #2 - JJ - short for Jesse James - around a year old - male - awaiting rescue or adoption


Foster dog #3 - Chupa - short for Chupacabra - pit pup - approximately 5 months - awaiting rescue



Love them all, but can't keep them all. This latest foster was so timid and skittish at first. At the moment, he is running around with Rubah playing with a shoe.

Friday, Friday, Gotta Get Down on Frida-hay

It's Friday, folks, no school for me, no kids at home, no husband at home! Solitude is a gift here in the World of Tiff. Usually, I would stay home today and do homework. Not today. Today, I had lunch with some friends at a place I've never been. What fun! I love going new places and meeting new people.

On another note, I ate healthy for lunch today, even though I was out having fun. Besides two bites of delicious dessert today, this is my fifth day with no wheat, and I am loving it. I feel very clean inside, and my pants are bigger! Well, no, they didn't grow. I am shrinking. Happy day, happy day! I haven't bought the book yet about this diet, but I have eaten no wheat, only meat, veggies, and fruit. My portions are smaller; thank you, protein. I do get hungry more often, but I feel like my blood sugar is really even throughout the day, and I am in an overall awesome mood with more energy than usual. Nuts, salad, veggies, fruit, steamed veggies with oil, meat, meat, meat, and water, water, water. I drink some coffee with a little cream or milk now and then, and hot tea on occasion. I don't think I am going to weigh myself for a long, long time. I feel so good in my current progress, and I don't want to get discouraged.

Well, happy weekend, blog followers!

Too Much or Not Enough?

Sometimes, I feel like I haven't made myself clear. Other times, I feel like I have beaten a dead horse. Where's the happy medium? I do not know. Oh, well, I guess. Here's to hoping and praying that what I say is taken as what it's meant to be.

Magic Hour

Sleep? Who needs sleep? Well, I do evidently, but not like everybody else. Usually, I am up until this time. I swear I am nocturnal by nature. Last night, I fell asleep reading "Metamorphosis" at about 8 p.m., and I was racked out hard, solid. No, I didn't dream of becoming a bug. Maybe I did and don't remember. If so, it didn't affect me. At not quite 3 a.m., I was up, up, up, and at 'em, bright eyed and bushy tailed! I mean I am awake for the day! Why does my body insist on being up at 3? What is it about this hour? I read in a book once that everyone has a certain time of day that it is quieter, not literally, well, maybe literally also, but spiritually. That is, time stands still, and they feel at peace. I guess for me, that is 3 a.m. Even though the dogs were playing together when I got up, they are all sleeping now. Three a.m. is my magic hour. I'm alone in the world! In the house anyway. Euphoria.

Making tea at 3 a.m. Love it.

1. Place loose oolong tea leaves in basket.

2. Add boiling water.

3. Let steep 7-10 minutes.

4. Remove straining basket, and photograph drops.

Add sugar substitute.

Add milk.

Enjoy!

Today Is a New Day!

Today is a new day, and thank God for that! Today, I did a load of laundry before class, read one of my stories for English next week, read an article and summarized it for Anatomy for extra credit, had a good healthy breakfast of meat and nuts and water, and made it to class on time and in time to print my summary. Yay for being prepared!

A couple of funny nuggets today. I went into the gas station to pay for gas, and decided I needed to use the facilities. I asked for the key, and the key was on a Vera Bradley ring (not the keychain, just the ring) attached to a fly swat. Is it me, or is that funny? Also at the gas station, the lady had hit the wrong button by mistake, and we had to wait forever for the register to stop printing the read-out. You notice things when you are just sitting idly by, or at least I do. There was a guy there who had on Velcro shoes. For one thing, I hate those, but the kind of amusing part was that they were not fastened. Velcro, really? What's easier than Velcro? Since it was taking so long inside, and I really only needed gas, I decided not to get the water I was holding and just pay at the pump. I put the water back and walked out the door. I paid with my card at the pump, and the pump said, "See cashier." It was out of paper, evidently, so I had to walk back inside to get my receipt. All of that happened at the gas station!

Lessons Learned

Today, I went to class unprepared. Lessons learned. Prepare far more ahead of time than one day. I only slept an hour and a half last night. My computer crashed twice while I tried to complete one assignment. Six pages lost and rewritten. Lessons learned. Save often. It saves to save. That didn't leave much room for my other assignment. Thank God for a forgiving teacher. I have the urge to say "never again." One class I missed last semester, and that was the last week. Three already missed this semester, and I'm in the fourth week. No more, God willing and the creek don't rise. Let's go 4.0 two semesters in a row. Have a good night blog followers. I am hitting the hay. You know what they say about lack of sleep being equal to intoxication? It's true.

Fairy Tales

We have been talking about Fairy Tales a bit in Creative Writing. This weekend, it snowed, and I got a little inspired. What do I do when I am inspired? Well, I take my muse out and shoot her.

Ha!

No, really, that's what I did.

Here's my Little Red Riding Hood.

Last, but not least, my favorite of the day.

I Been Learnin'

Here I am in my second semester of college. I just turned...ahem...just a minute, I'm not used to it yet...Woosah...30. I turned 30 on January 17th. Like I said, I am in my second semester of college, and oh, the things I have learned! I will list said things for your reading pleasure. In college, I have learned: 1. If I leave early, I do not encounter obstacles. 2. If I leave barely in time to get to class, it is possible on a 15 mile trip - to encounter road work twice, to get behind an old man who only goes 45 unless there are curves, in which case he goes 20, and to get behind a garbage truck. 3. One should never, NEVER, use an eyelash curler while driving, unless one's plan is to thin her eyelashes. 4. I can put on lipstick/lipgloss with no mirror. 5. Slimming tank tops and spanks are wonderful things for the self esteem of a mother of 4, until she has sat in class for almost 2 hours and urgently needs to pee. 6. I like to learn. 7. I wish I could get paid to learn. 8. I should not take online classes. 9. I do not want to go into a Science field. 10. I do not want to go into a Computer field. 11. I may want to go into a History field. 12. More than likely, I will go into an English field. 13. I love to write as much as I love to read, and that, folks, is a whole lot. 13. I can be on time consistently. (This was a very new concept to me.) 14. I can get homework done on time consistently. (Also a new concept to me.) 15. There are 18-20 year olds who are great, artsy, fun, wonderful people to hang out with. 16. There are 18-20 year olds who are less mature and more obnoxious than my 8 year old. 17. I want my kids to go to college and love it as much as I do.